December 8,
We finally got Eva's birth certificate taken care of yesterday. She officially exists now. We took the certificate and went to the social security office today, to fill out a form for her social security number. With a little luck, she will have one assigned to her before the end of the year.

This last week has been a milestone week for Eva. She started climbing up on the edges of things, and using them to stand upright all by herself. Suddenly, it's like she is a toddler already. She can crawl so fast now, and she tries to stand up every chance she gets. We have a short little table I had put in her room, but I brought it out into the living room. It's the perfect height for her to get upright on. We are not sleeping nights at all anymore (at least not this week). She wants to wake up and stand up every few hours. She gets SO tired, she doesn't know what to do with herself, but she is too distracted to slumber in my arms at night anymore- the TV distracts her, if Ken and I are talking, that distracts her, anything will do it. She arches her head back to look up at us, she stares down at her feet� it's all so fast. If I hold her hands, sometimes she will start walking toward a specific object or goal (like Daddy). She and I can walk all the way from the back of the house to the living room, although it takes a long time. She stares at her feet a lot, and at mine, and my back is usually aching from being all stooped over, by the time we finally make it to the living room. Tonight, she was pulling herself up (using that table) and then turning around and standing all by herself, without holding on. She fell over several times with a loud bump, but we have carpet, and it didn't really hurt her. She was startled, and we swooped in and held her, but a few minutes later, she crawled back to where she had been, and was up again as if nothing had happened. I think she may be walking soon.

We have an appointment to have her pictures taken tomorrow. Once we get nice frames for them, most of our Christmas present shopping will be done. It's nice right now - our little Christmas tree is already overflowing with presents for family and friends. I got Ken a Spiderman lunch box, and am using it as a box for his bigger present. The funny thing is that he got me a Nightmare Before Christmas lunch box for a similar purpose. They look so cute, sitting there together, under the tree.

On Wednesday, someone came up to me and asked me how I was doing. "good, good�" I said. Then they asked me how the baby was. I was a lot more enthusiastic. "Oh," I said, "She's doing GREAT!, she staring to stand up on things� you know, pulling herself up� 'n stuff�" I let my voice sort of wander off. It was one of those asking in passing kind of questions, but really, I could go on forever. "She's the most fascinating person I've ever known" I wanted to say. "Everything she does is like a miracle. I am absolutely absorbed by her." Just the question makes me think about the way she smiles when I come into a room and make eye contact with her, or the way she moves her hands when she is happy, or the way she rubs her eyes when she is tired, or the way she frowns and pouts when she is unhappy�

Of course, with all this waking up in the middle of the night, just to stand, I am very, very tired- as is Ken. We are sort of at the end of our general tolerances� very edgy. Ken is bitter and acerbic about every little thing, and I am drowning in a general feeling of failure, my usual catch-all for the way life has of slowly sliding out of control. Falling behind in work, in life, messy hair, messy house, dirty laundry, dirty dog, etc. The miasma, the minutia� the clamoring voices of a million everyday little things that I fail to get to. I have a lifetime of forgetting to capitalize the "I"'s and cross the "T"'s and that sort of thing. Damn the noise anyway� but then I look at Eva. At the way her lashes brush her cheeks when she is sleeping. The way she sucks in half her lower lip, or the way the little blue veins trace across her eyelids� the way her toes try to curl, and snuggle up against me. I kiss her warm little head and smell her hair, and listen to the sound of her breath going in and out, and things slow down.

December 28,
Christmas. We drove out in the Rav4, with all our presents and Lilu in the back. I worried that Eva would scream the whole time because she hates that car seat, but she was a dream both driving there and back. I sat in the back the whole time, with her, while Ken did all the driving. Being able to reach over and feed her while we're on the road makes all the difference. Ken was such a trooper. He never complained about driving, even though I know it must have been a pain. We read the fourth Harry Potter book out loud during the drive, when Eva was sleeping. It was the best book in the series so far, I think. We really love the Harry Potter books. We have loved reading them out loud to each other, although I have to admit, Ken is much better at reading out loud than I am. He has different voices for each character, each with different cadence, accent, tone, emotional content, etc. It really makes the books come alive. I tried making voices too, but Ken just shook his head and said it was sad. I tried to make the most evil character sound like I imagine the Emperor from Star Wars sounded. Ken said I made him sound like Gargamel, from "The Smurfs". Sigh. Ah well.

We got to Arizona a few days before Mom and Dad and the crew got there, which was nice. We got to spend some time with Gram and watch Lilu and Cinnamon play together. Lilu peed all over Gram's carpet� again. I don't know why she does that. We rented a carpet steamer, and cleaned it before we left. Lilu had a great time. She loves Gram's backyard. Gram has a fantastically huge backyard that seems to go on forever, with citrus and pecan trees everywhere, and lots and lots of space to run around in. We had fresh grapefruit, straight from the tree, every morning for breakfast. I've always hated grapefruit, but suddenly, I seemed to have developed a taste for them. Now I love them. Carole just graduated from college. She looked great, although a little bit stressed out. Where she is now has got to be one of the more stressful places you can be in life. What will she do now? I'm so glad I don't have to go through that again. You are out of the school system that, love it or hate it, has been your structure most of your life. You have to figure out if what they taught you is any good, and if you can make it alone. It's a time of highest chaos.

Ivy is still Ivy.

Mom and Dad seem happy and generally healthy, although I wish they would take better care of themselves. Mom fell on the ice and broke 2 ribs, right before she came out. She and Dad have so many outdoorsy interests (like camping, skiing, backpacking, gardening, all that outdoor stuff) that they could enjoy so much more, if they were in better shape.

I wish I were in better shape too, although I'm working on it. Only 9 more pounds of pregnancy weight to get rid of. Ken has been working out too and is looking amazing these days. He is getting really defined muscles. He is really pleased.

Christmas was the usual Chaos. Mom and Dad were staying at Grandma's apartment. They were late arriving in the morning, and then Mom was in a rush to open everything and get "Christmas" underway. As a result, things were so hurried and flustered that Ken missed the first half of opening the presents, and breakfast was served, eaten, and finished, all while I was in the shower.

We talked about spending next Christmas in upstate NY, but Ken and I are also thinking wistfully, about how nice it would be to spend Christmas in Paris. We are thinking we'd like to go to Paris this year� people tell us September is a good time to go. A trip to the small town in upstate New York where my parents live, and a trip to France, would cost us about the same amount of money. You would think the east coast would be cheaper then the other side of the ocean� but nope. Ah well, maybe we can afford to do both, depending on the house thing. It would be nice to see Brian and Erika�there are so many things that we want to do. Never enough time, never enough money. Our main goals this year are to get a house. If not an actual house, at least be prepared financially, should we find the right house. We also want to go to Paris. We have been married for almost 6 years now, and we've been talking about going to Europe for almost 8 years� it's time.